Empowerment; it’s a word that gets put out there in self development circles like the phrase “Self care” does, and it can bring up all sorts of discomfort. For it may be asking us to look at whether we are empowered in all areas of our lives, and if not, does this mean that we are victims?
In some cases the dis-empowerment is because the dynamic within a relationship, be it with a work relationship, intimate partner or friendship is out of balance, or it could be so far out of balance that it’s abusive. But it may not be that unbalanced, just enough that perhaps we feel we don’t have as much agency as we'd like over our choices and lives.
And even if there is balance, there can be nuances within this too; if you think about the different hats we wear within our intimate relationships, there may be balance in some aspects, and imbalance in others.
But, the dis-empowerment that I want to speak to today, is when the dis-empowerment is coming from our own heads; particularly the self talk, and that can leave us feeling stuck or full of fear or, indeed, both.
What sits behind this dis-empowerment?
Often a sense of not being good enough, of thinking others know more about a situation or even what we need, more than we do.
For instance. Years ago I used to be on one diet after another, and even though I KNEW what I should do (re food choices), I couldn’t do it consistently and without feeling like I was missing out. And I’d think (probably, like many of you) that I was rubbish and needed to try harder. As I got older it was like something inside me revolted against the diets and made me stop and take notice. If someone knows what’s best for me, why I am I fighting against it??? In this case it was because I lived by the ethos of rewarding myself with food, punishing my body to lose weight by doing lots of exercise, and restricting the foods I enjoyed.
I gave my power to the diet, the programme, the social media posts; because they looked like they offered a solution (and I trusted them, more than myself).
But they didn’t offer the best solution for me, nor a long term one.
I needed, and thank goodness my subconscious knew this, to reconnect with me, my body, what I found joyful, and find new ways to care for and ‘reward’ myself. (I like to think of it as celebrating myself now, rather than reward). I needed to ask my body what suited it. And of course, that hasn’t stayed static; the seasons affect it, my levels of energy affect it, and my emotional/mental state affects it. Because I am a human, whose needs shift all the time.
I needed to take my power back.
As I began to delve into where I was acting / thinking like a victim, I noticed more and more places; from money mindset to yoga workouts! (i.e. that training is too expensive for me / I can’t do that because my Achilles is tight). There were so many areas where I had a negative view of myself, my capabilities, and what was possible for me. And that led me to participating less fully, or not at all.
So, how to get out of the sense of dis-empowerment?
1. Notice where you are thinking or feeling dis-empowered. Start to jot it down, or make voice-notes for yourself.
2. Acknowledge the thoughts that are coming up.
3. Challenge the truth of that thought: what I mean by this, is that we often assert things are true for us, rather than look for what may have shifted/ be possible for us, and taking that as a new baseline.
4. Act from this new awareness, until it becomes second nature.
You’ll find that you feel more empowered and more energised by this shift! And remember that the victim mindset is sneaky, so invite it to show itself to you when you are in a quiet place, before trying to notice it when there's chaos around you, and be gentle with yourself.
Let me know how you get on!
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